My Ass In HD.

I remember like it was yesterday. Actually I remember like it was a few days ago because this is when I started writing all this shit down. Cause that is what this is right? SHIT? I have colon cancer, bum cancer, anal cancer, ass cancer, bottom, rectum, toosh, badonkadonk cancer or whatever you wish to call it. I’m 33 years old and I have the cancer thats supposed to be up some 67 year old grumpy mans ass. 

A few days a ago, well over a month now, my phone rang 6:11 PM and the call display read Dr. Y. I answered it immediatley as I’d been waiting for this call for a week. The Thursday previous I was at the UBC hospital gastro unit  having whats called a flex sig otherwise known as a camera up the butt. Whatever you want to call it, I was staring face too colon on a very nice 42 inch HDTV . There it was about 20 inches from my face and I was looking right deep down into my anal canal in H fuckin D. I remember being surprised at how clean it was considering it was a colon. 

And then BOOM! About 8 cm up my bum a growth. It looked clean and shinny and suprisingly healthy. It was bleeding a bit but it honestly didn’t scare me. The Doc and nurse took about 6 to 8 samples and then asked me to get dressed and wait in the waiting room. So I waited. 

Sitting in the chair waiting for the Doc was no big thing. I felt fine. I was alone, no family, no husband cause honestly this didn’t worry me. The Doc came around the corner and sat across from me and maybe we spoke for 2 minutes. In that 2 minutes he only mentioned the “C” word once but he must of suggested about 12 to 15 times that it would be best if I wasn’t pregnant. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yes I was 6 weeks preggers. My husband Dallas and I were expecting and yes it was planned. I left that little 2 minute sesh with the Doc thinking that I had a growth and it needed to be removed regardless if it was cancer or not because obvioulsy it shouldn’t be there. I left the hospital feeling slightly confused but honestly I believed 100% that I did not have cancer. I was more concerned and sad about having to tell Dallas he news about the pregnancy. 

Fast forward to that phone call at 6:11pm on Nov 14th……. Dr. Y asked me if I was alone and I asked, “does it really matter? I have cancer don’t I?” She said yes. Everything after that I’d love to share but it’s a bit of a blur due to shock and alchohol consumption.